The decision to get married, for us, didn’t start on a 100% happy note. Though we’ve been together for eight and a half years and were talking about it anyway, what pushed us to do this now, so suddenly, was a situation at my job where my health insurance was going to cost us, as a couple, a lot of extra money. From there, some people weren’t happy about when, where, how, and why we decided to do things. There were some hurt feelings and some drama. I regret hurting others if I did so, and I regret being hurt, but the bottom line is this: we got married out of love.
No one except the two of us will ever know how many times we’ve laughed together, cried together, fought together, been sick together, grown together, cared for each other, learned from each other, changed for each other, or helped each other. No one else knows every gesture and word and action that has caused me to love my husband, and no one ever will. We’ve had some rough moments over the past eight years, individually and as a couple, but the happy moments have been so perfect, and even the bad ones were good in the long run because we got through them together.
When you’ve been with someone for so long, you think you’ve seen it all and that married life won’t change anything about the two of you as a couple. In regard to everyday life, that has proven to be true. But I find myself slowly experiencing a subtle mental shift.
Once we had set a date and the drama was over and we knew we were going to do this, I found myself feeling differently about the way I interact with him, the words I choose, and how we handle little squabbles. Even if it’s about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom or what time of day is best to go grocery shopping—how I react has changed. Before I say, “No, that’s dumb, we’re doing it my way,” or “No, you’re wrong,” or “What were you thinking,” I find myself stopping and thinking, “I love him so much. We’re going to be together and work together every day for the rest of our lives.” I want to make sure that what I say and what I do in every situation reflects that truth, and expresses my love, and my willingness to compromise and work together. Yes, he still annoys the crap out of me and makes no sense sometimes. I’m still mystified by some of his habits and choices and ideas. But I’m more willing to deal with them, and even more eager to understand then, rather than get frustrated by them, knowing that we have committed to making this work every day, despite each other’s flaws and quirks.
I’m trying to be nicer, more selfless, more thoughtful. I’m trying to say I love you more, to leave cute notes lying about, to perform thoughtful gestures to make his life easier or more convenient, to be happy more, to say thank you more when he does something nice, to express my gratitude out loud about the good things instead of taking them for granted, and to overlook the little negative things.
None of this is something I consciously decided to do, or consciously try to do every day. Rather, it’s subtle shift in attitude, a transition from living my life in the way that is best and most satisfying for my own happiness, into living one that will maximize the happiness of our lives together. Knowing that we are in this together, forever, and that we both are committed to spending every day together, makes me want to make those future days better for both of us.
For what it’s worth, thanks to those who supported our choice and share in our happiness—a decision this big and this good is even better with wonderful people to share it with.
